


Because I Love You

by FruitofSorrow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Resolution, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitofSorrow/pseuds/FruitofSorrow
Summary: "It isn't a big deal. This isn't like asking a parent for pocket money or convincing your roommate that adopting the puppy in the window will enrich both of your lives. Hinata shouldn't have to ask for his boyfriend's love like it's a reward he's had to earn. It should simply be a given. An act so primordial that it makes breathing air or soaking up the sun's rays seem like the most challenging things in the world."In which Hinata worries that Tsukki hasn't told him he loves him yet.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 173





	Because I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, more TsukiHina content.

Hinata stares up at the ceiling washed in a dim red light. The digits on the alarm clock on the bedside table blink repeatedly, signaling the turn of the new hour. It was 11:47 PM last he checked the time, but he's unsure how long he's been laying on his back in Tsukki's bed, hands folded neatly over his bare stomach. A thin layer of sweat still clings to his heated skin. He should feel liberated, at ease, after a round of love-making for the first time in a long while, but his breath is shallow, and his heart keeps skipping beats in a way that has him seriously considering scheduling an EKG. Just to be sure that he's not, you know, dying or something.

Hinata goes away for a bit; stormy images and words play in his mind like a film reel. When he returns, Hinata is forced to confront a truth he's been pushing back to the recesses of his consciousness. It's been niggling the back of his mind like a permanent scab. No, it's been festering for months. A small, persistent feeling that maybe not all is right in paradise. Perhaps it hasn't been for a while. The root of the issue: Tsukishima, or more specifically, how in the two years that have passed since they started dating, the taller man still hasn't said those three little words to him.

When he alighted from the plane earlier that day, Hinata hoped he'd get to have an intimate evening with Tsukki to do some of those boyfriend things they weren't able to do during their time apart. He'd expected the works. Dinner at a nice restaurant (or bar, he wasn't picky) and maybe a romantic walk home—handholding included. What he got instead was a quiet drive home and an equally quiet dinner (Hinata's favorite takeout) in front of the television.

Hinata is no sap—not really. But like any normal human being, he likes to give affection and receive it from time to time. Tsukishima…to put it bluntly, doesn't have a saccharine cell in his body. It's a miracle, really, that they've lasted so long given their excruciating time apart, not to mention the distance between them that only seemed to grow more expansive by the week. Then tack on his boyfriend's mild apathy in maintaining contact with him, and Hinata's got himself a recipe for a doomed relationship.

It’s comforting, at least, that in all the time he’s known him, Tsukishima Kei has never committed to anything in which he didn’t have even a remote interest. Seeing as how they’re in bed together, well, Hinata takes it as a good sign. At the bare minimum, it probably means that Tsukki still _likes_ him.

Hinata swallows back the lump in his throat, which is still tender from earlier lascivious activities.

_He likes me, I know that but—_

Hinata turns on his side, squishing his cheek against the pillow. He sighs wistfully. Tsukishima is lying still; his eyes are closed, and his breath is steady, but his brows are furrowed slightly, so Hinata knows he's awake.

“Hey. Kei,” he says, and his voice sounds like tiny pebbles grinding against stone. “Do you love me?”

The canyon between Tsukki’s eyes grows deeper. There’s a beat before the blond man sighs and turns to face Hinata; he still doesn’t look at him.

“What brought this on?”

_To the point as always._

“It’s just…” Hinata drawls, unsure how to phrase it. “You’ve never said it before.”

“Does one need to speak the words for them to be true?” he says, harsh. Then, as if reconsidering his tone, Tsukki adds quietly: “You know how I feel.”

The hand Hinata slipped underneath his pillow balls into a fist. “Do I?”

He doesn’t know what the question sounds like to Tsukki, but to Hinata, the words taste acrid—bitter—on his tongue. Like vinegar. And lemon rinds.

Tsukki finally opens his eyes; his gaze searches Hinata's face. "If you haven't figured it out by now, then you're an idiot."

At this, Hinata props his upper body on one arm and stares his boyfriend down. “It’s my fault that my asshole of a boyfriend has barely said any words of affection to me in the two years we’ve been dating?”

Tsukki’s lips press together. Hinata sees his shoulder rise and fall in a half-hearted shrug. “I don’t get what the big deal is.”

That's the thing, though. It isn't a big deal. This isn't like asking a parent for pocket money or convincing your roommate that adopting the puppy in the window will enrich both of your lives. Hinata shouldn't _have_ to ask for his boyfriend's love like it's a reward he's had to earn. It should simply be a given. An act so primordial that it makes breathing air or soaking up the sun's rays seem like the most challenging things in the world.

Hinata cringes inwardly. Okay, so he’s a romantic. It’s not like it’s a crime.

”I’m not asking you to hang the moon. I just want you to tell me you love me.”

“And _I_ want you to give me a reason. Are you perhaps feeling insecure?”

_Yup. No round edges on this guy at all._

“I-I’m not insecure.” _Lies._

“Oh, really?” Tsukki says flatly. “You never cared before. Why are you so hellbent on hearing the words n—?”

“ **Because _I_ love you, idiot!” **Hinata says— _squeaks_ — before Tsukki can finish his question. He watches as Tsukishima's eyes widen infinitesimally. "I love you so damn much, and lately, it's seemed an awful lot like it's only me who feels this way." His fingernails bite into his palm. "When I was in Brazil, you barely called. I kept the phone at my side at night just so I wouldn't miss you if you finally decided to. I left the ringer on full blast while I slept.

“Do you know how hard it was to wake up each morning to zero missed calls? Not even a good morning text? The mental gymnastics I had to do to rationalize your iciness—I—I look back and feel like a fool for thinking _I_ was the clingy one. That _I_ was the one acting out of line.”

Hinata stops to catch his breath. He’s not upset. He’s angry. But not at Tsukishima. Not anymore.

“I knew what type of guy you were before we started dating; maybe it’s my fault for having false expectations. Really, when you think about it, I brought it upon myself. But look at it from my perspective.” He grabs Tsukki’s hand; weaves their fingers together. In the face of uncertainty, it feels good to have something solid between them, even if only skin contact. “If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you start to have doubts, too?”

Tsukishima pulls his hand away, and Hinata winces.

_“_ If the roles were _reversed?_ ” Tsukki says like he’s spitting venom. “What about _you_?”

“What about me?”

“You—you’re the one chasing after the heels of another man. It’s always _Kageyama this_ and _Kageyama that._ How do you think that’s made me feel?”

“Kageyama? Please, that’s ridiculous. He’s just—” Hinata freezes. What? A rival? A partner? The man Hinata has sworn to follow to the ends of the earth? For all of eternity?

"Volleyball is the most important thing to you. I understand that and accept it, but when I'm in bed at night, and you're not lying right next to me, I think about the distance between us, and I remember that I'm not the one with whom you share that love. I never have been.

“You want me to look at your perspective? Consider mine. Imagine holding your breath, day in and day out, knowing that there will come a day when your boyfriend decides he doesn’t have room for you in his life anymore.”

It hurts to swallow; Hinata’s throat is squeezed so tightly. Dry. “I didn’t know,” he manages to get out, though the words barely sound above a whisper.

Tsukishima chuckles sardonically. “How could you? Your eyes are always looking forward; you haven’t noticed my stumbling to stay at your side.”

Hinata reaches for his hand again, and when Tsukishima tries to pull back, he holds on tighter. “You have nothing to worry about. The only person I’m in love with is you. It’s always only been you.”

“Well,” Tsukki says, chin up like he’s picking a fight—like he has something to prove, though Hinata doesn’t know whether that person is Hinata, or himself. “The feeling is mutual.”

The words shouldn’t satisfy him like they do, yet Hinata feels a weight lift off his chest. “Good,” he says, voice gravelly, but now teeming with confidence. He rolls over and splays himself on top of Tsukki’s chest. “That’ll do for now.”

He doesn’t wait for Tsukki to bite back with a remark. Hinata leans down and presses his lips against his boyfriend’s. Kisses him deeply, hotly, like he hasn’t had a drink in days. In reality, it’s been mere hours.

Tsukishima's hands go to his waist and hold him down. When they're both pliant, worn down by exhaustion and the weight of their feelings collapsing like a torrential downpour, Hinata feels the tips of Tsukki's fingers edging the elastic of his pajama bottoms. They break for air, and the blond man licks his lips, somehow managing to look down his nose at Hinata as he does so. "You still won't get me to say the words," he breathes out.

Hinata rolls his eyes. “I figured as much.”

“You still love me.”

He should have known that Tsukki would torment him for having said the words first. In hindsight, it might’ve been his plan all along. It would irk Hinata to have such a competitive boyfriend if it weren’t one of the reasons he fell in love with Tsukki in the first place.

“Yeah,” he says airily, and an identical smirk forms on his lips. “We’ll see about that.” And he’s pulled down by the neck for another breathtaking kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I've made a twitter account(@FruitofSorrow) for anyone interested in semi-live updates for future Haikyuu fics. If you have fic requests to send my way, that would be the place to do so.  
> (๑°꒵°๑)･*♡


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